I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
