I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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