Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
