he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
