we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
