I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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