I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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