i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hippo gnu deer
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
