there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
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Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
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As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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