Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
