So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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