You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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