We won't sleep together?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
