remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
