I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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