you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize