That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
