I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
