Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I will be naked everywhere
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
