; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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