where does the pee come out of this thing
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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