I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
