the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
