Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
