Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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