Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
this hospital has no fireball
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
