Umm I'm too high to move.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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