oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
