I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
