I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
