This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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