to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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