My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
