Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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