Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
