I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
