problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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