How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
