just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
