I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
