no, he came in my armpit
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
