Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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