WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
