My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
