Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
As shirtless as possible
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
