I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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