this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
