a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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