I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
A+ Viking dick
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