You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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