GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
