You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
