Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
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I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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