i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
