i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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