Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
