apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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