did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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