He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
