New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
