Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i out mim tonsoeep
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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