Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We are two peas in an std pod
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
