she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
