Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
