so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
