Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
