At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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