i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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