I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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