she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
