So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
