Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They are going to name an STD after you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
